My Pray

Hello everybody....

It's been ages i have not update my blog. That's because i have forgotten that i have a blog. Hahaha! Budushh!...now i feel like i want to do my comeback and keep writing more often coz well...this is how i express my feelings. And lately i have a lots of feeling linger around my life and i found myself could not bare it any longer...that makes me feels like writing back...coz i really dont know where to turn to....

Yes, i do have a friends...a lot i think. But i don't think we could share and tell everything to them. Coz they can be a listener, but they probably hard to understand our feeling. So i guess it's better if we just keep it to ourselves and just turn to Allah if u really looking for someone to be trusted and ask to help you find a way to heal your feelings and solve your problem. It's Him the exact someone you could turn to.

Ok...i wanna share a story. I admit i'm not really a good woman, i'm not really a good daughter nor a good friend, not a good employee nor a good collegue and whatever...but most embarassing, i'm not a good slave to Allah...i'm just a regular human being that have needs and feelings like others. I make sins and repent. Make sins again, and repent again. Why la i repent and have to make sins again? Why can't i just repent and keep be a good muslim? It is so hard to fight the lust and satan. But apart of it, i'm thankful that i still have the guilty feeling everytime i make sins.

But this one quiet night, i had a dream...really scary one. And i still can picture it very clear untill today. I think i dont have to describe it here. Enough for only me that experience the scary, tremble, sweating dream. I was awaken by the dream at 4.15 in the morning and i found myself trembeling and sweating in the middle of sooo quiet night. I'm sooo afraid till i could not close my eyes to continue my sleep. I look at my husband and my child and thankful that they're still breathing. I wanna wake up and pray but my telekong is in another room. I felt so scare to get out of my room and take it. So i just lay in my bed and think why i had such scary dream. I know some people said that we should not trust dream because its just mainan tido. But i dont think all our dream is just mainan tido. If its really is, then why masa zaman nabi dulu, nabi got their wahyu through their dreams and why there's sahabat2 nabi came to them and ask nabi to translate their dreams? So i guess we should not take for granted of our dreams. Especially if you think there's a message indeed. So i was thinking...thinking and thinking untill the alarm clock break the silence and my husband wake up to get his self ready to work.

What i'm trying to say here is that i was really effected by the dreams (so far i guess and i hope this feeling kekal)....it makes me realise how i've done sooo much sins yet my life so blessed by Allah...but why la i still fail to fight my lust and these satans around me?? Why so hard? Whatever it is, i hope this dream remains in my mind forever so that i will always afraid to commit sins. InsyaAllah...i don't know how much longer i would be alive, but i don't want to die as horrible as i died in that dream. Nauzubillahiminzaalik...ya Allah ya tuhanku, please protect me...kuatkan iman ku...aku mahu hidup dan matiku dalam redhamu ya Allah...ampunilah aku, terimalah taubatku ya Allah...i'm begging you ya Allah...please listen to my pray...amin ya rabbal alamin....