Nebesss hokehh!

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

Hari ni bermula lah hari pertame aku sebagai student. Hohoho...gila lah die punye nervous!

Jangan cakap saya poyo eh sebab nebes x tentu pasal. This is tohdelly different! I am an ODL ok..not a fulltime student. ODL is Open Distance Learner atau biase kite panggil PJJ.. Pendidikan Jarak Jauh. So tadi saye pergi die punye first class. Macam kelas orientasi untuk pelajar baru la..so dorang bagi introduction lah pasal ODL nie..ohmygod! Mmg meng'nebes'kan hokeeh!

Saya nebes pasal apa tau! ODL is totally different with fulltime learners. Kalau kita fulltime, we could say that almost 24 hours we stay in study mode environment. Biase kalau fulltime kite stay kat hostel atau rent a house and stay dengan housemate yg sama2 blaja kan? So we always can ask them anything that we dont know. We always can ask their ideas and opinion, dan bila kita rase malas nak study, then tengok member2 lain study and discussing, mesti rasa mcm "eh! Tak boleh sangat nak layan saka malas aku ni!" kaann...haa..pastu kalau tak faham anything regarding your assignment, you can always look for your lecturer kan...

But when you are open distance learner, i think its harder than being fulltime student. There's a lot of commitment you have to cop with. Your family, your work, husband and child, financial, time management, assignment, tutorial class, exam and so on.

Oh my god! This is just a beginning but i feel so nervous about it. I just entered introduction class today but now i'm worrying almost everything! But still i have the guts and feel the spirit growing! And i have to bear in mind that this is what i have been waiting for soo long...i have to keep motivate myself. In another 3 years from now, i'll be standing on the stage inside the PWTC hall holding the scroll that i've dream of long enough together with my friends in my convocation's day. Aminnn...

Haha! Dont laugh ok! Please laaa..be kind to meee...be kind of supportive friend pleaseeee..huwaa!! Nebess nie...assignment dah dapat, dateline is 1 month from now. Tapi apa nak buat? Camana nak buat? Tak reti ni nak tanya sapa nieeee??? Takuttnyee...sapa nak tenang kan i skrg ni ni? Hukhuk :'(

Ok takpe takpe..calm down ida..this i s just the beginning...nanti sila buat rajin pegi tanya ok! Jangan tunggu semua nak bersuap. You are grown up now. Not a baby. Remember that! :')

So sekarang kene manage masa dengan bijak. Tak boleh nak enjoy and buang masa sangat. Kene sacrifice sikitlah.. Sabar sikit jee..4 tahun je ok? So tu lah cita die...now...i'm a STUDENT...

Recharged at Redang

So after a long time me and sya have been planning to go for a vacation together, finally we managed to go to Redang Island for 3 days 2 nights... Whoaahhh.. What a heaven!

The weather were so magnificent! The water sooo crystal clear, and the scenary was sooo awesome!. And this vacation participated by 4 couples which was me and my husband, Sya and Gaban, kina and sapik, and aidit and khalin. All of them are so cute, kind and sporting! Love them all! They are just a bunch of happening people and puurrfect company for us!

We stayed at Redang Holiday Villa for 3 days 2 nights. The price for the package is RM389.00 per pax which includes accomodation for 2 nights, boat transfer, breakfast, lunch, hi-tea and dinner, and 3x times snorkeling trip. Isn't it cheap? Haaa... You should't think that vacation need soo much money you know... We just need to spend extra time to find the best deal thats all...

Ok, soooo Redang Holiday Villa is not bad i think, but for my opinion, i'll rate it as 2 star kot... Hihihi... Coz i went to Tioman and paid RM360 per pax and got seaview challet, with televisyen and together with 1 queen bed + 2 twin bed kind of room. And compairing their foods and facilities, that is the reason why i rate it as 2 star challet. But i think i would pay more if i know that the place that i''ll be staying looks like one. Huhu...if it is not because Sya insisted not to stay other places coz she will be over-budgetted i think it would be much better if we stay at Redang Pelangi...
Just to make our vacation seems perfect!

At the end of my post, i'll attach a few pictures of the vacation. Only a few.. How sad because every time i take out my ipad, i have to berebut with Sara which i dont like it..and everytime i take out my phone, the battery is draining! Real shit! So i only got a few pictures on my own, the rest with Aidit as our official photographer.. You can view it through my facebook ok?

Ok here i'd like to share something for you guys to remember if you are going to holiday:

1. Check your car's condition (My car sounds weird and not have enuff time to go to workshop, end up borrowed Kina's car)
2. Get enuff rest and enuff sleep (Need to reach at Merang Jetty before 9.30am, but Aidit was overslept so we need to go to his home and wake him up! And it was 7.30am and we still had a long drive!)
3. Spare enuff money 1 day before you start the journey. (Arrived at Merang Jetty @9.20am which the departure time is 9.30am and again! Aidit need to find an ATM coz he havent spare his money yet! Lucky the boat wanted to wait for us)
4. Do not expect that the place you are going to stay have facilities like shop (We didnt spare any foods coz we thought that there were shop provided. We dont even have bread to feed the fish, so our snorkeling time became so boring coz the fish dont want to come to us...sob sob sob)
Last but not least...
Dont waste your vacation with a lot of sleeping, coz you can do it a lot at home! and do not neglect your child to others just for your pleasure doing sex while others sacrifice their moments to babysit your neglected child!

And thats for now, see you again next time... Enjoy my few piccis! Muaahh!!!

Advise when asked

Ok.. Today i wanna share about advise..nasehat...nasihat..whatever you spell it!

Adoi tapi aku geram sebab aku tak ingat ade satu hadis pasal nasihat bila diminta sahaja ni..iskk..spoil! Haha!

Ok camni..korang korang semueee...yes korang dan termasuk kau! Kalau org tak datang mintak nasihat atau pendapat, tak payah la korang nak jadi macam err like macam bagus sangat nak pegi bagi nasihat kat orang.. Especially kalau korang tu tak berapa nak baik atau your history just the same as the person you are about to advise, tak payah tibe-tibe nak jadi ustazah atau ustaz la.. Yes i know menegur dengan lisan tu sebaik2 iman, tapi agak2 la... Macamla kau tu bagus sangat nak nasihat orang kan?

Nak2 kalau bab agama.. Kau nak berbeta dengan budak sekolah agama yang tak berapa nak molek perangai dia, emmm aku rasa tak payah lah kot...sebab dia bukan tak tahu pun..nak dengan taknak buat je..so, save it! Ok?

Tak, aku sebenarnya macam like err macam segan jugak if orang tu dia baik, memang baik, then dia tegur aku dengan teguran berhemah...memang aku blushing la... But i'm ok with that kind of teguran... Tapi kalau dah kau pun sama je macam aku, pastu nak main sound tepek memang panas atila cite die kan?

Dah la tu, kau tak payah nak sembang pasal halal haram la sebab kau pun sama je... Pakai legging pun haram, pakai bulu mata palsu pun haram, pakai baju ketat2 ikut body pun haram, cite pasal hal dalam kain kat orang pun haram, even kau laki bini? So waddehek ko nak sound tepek orang yang ini haram, yang itu haram?? Tolonglah! Annoying ok?

If you're barking all that kind of issues to me, then you're barking at the wrong tree..please get the mirror and see yourself through it before you start complaining people and try to be smart...

Conclusion is, please give an advise when people ask...and kalau nak tegur atau nasihat orang, tolong buat dengan cara berhemah dan bukannye terjerit2 mcm suare itik tu...especially bila kau tu ada jugak buat bende haram..jangan bajet bagus sngat ok? Sekiaaannn...

How are you guyss???

It's been a while...apa khabar semua? Hihi... Well a lot of things happen and i've been very busy to blog... But today i feel like blogging...

Okey...sooo...last month ada pegi short n simple vacation...just to spend some quality time with my hubby and daughter...after he's been working like hell..so we think why not kn... Nk pegi jauh2 rase macam tak sanggup nak drive dengan si kecik yang buas tuu.., hihi...tp omey... But true! It's really stressfull!! Boley mnyebabkan keretakan rumahtangga dowwhh!! The last time we went to kl was nightmare!! Dah la jauh.. Everybody tired... Yg si kecik tu nak ajak main laa... Kacau papa die drive la.. Merengek nk tidowlaa...yang kite nie nak tgk sigboard..nak dengar GPS punye direction...yang dia melalak bagai nak itu ini... Perghh!! Memang horror lagi hectic pectic dibuatnya...

So this time we just wanna rest...so we spent our vacation at Cherating jer... Hahaha.. Boleylaaa kaannn...

Okeylaa... Nak cite tu je la dulu.. Nanti kita sambung lagi ok? Coz actually i'm working right na na na... Hewhew...k bhaii~

Testing...

Ok i just install an apps from apple store to blog and upload pic using my ipad... So i wanna give it a try...if i still can't get it, im going to let go this ipad okkayyy? Hihi

Let see...

Nak kawin pun susah?

Assalamualaikum...

Even though tomorrow i'm working in morning shift, but i still can't close my eyes...well i guess this must be because of tongkat ali ice lah ni! Hehehe...and sara is already sleeping soundless beside me...plus i found new apps in blackberry world...its hot.fm!!! Yeaahhh...so i can listen to music at least not those that i saved in my phone...balik balik dgr lagu yg samee je ijau jugak kahak dibuatnya...hahahha

Ok lately i dont know why.... but a lot of status about the burden they have to face to get marry appears on my facebook newsfeed..a lot of them sigh about it...so i was called to share some opinion about it...

Biasanya when we go to engagement ceremony....ape yg kite nak tgk dan nak tau? Ape lg...kalau kaum perempuan ni mestilah nak tengok hantaran branded ke tak...dan perempuan jugalah terutamanya golongan makcik2 dan tak kurang jugak yang muda2 ni mesti nak tau brapa hantaran wang kahwin yg akan "diminta" oleh pihak perempuan kpd pihak lelaki...kan? Kan? Kan? Ngaku jelaaa...hakhakhakhak...

Ape ni? Pihak perempuan mintak duit hantaran? Eh korang ni nak jual anak ke apa? Atau korang nak suruh pihak lelaki tu tanggung kos kenduri kahwin yg nak dibuat dirumah korang? Eh bukankah menghebahkan hubungan yg dah sah yakni kahwin dgn tujuan untuk mengelakkan fitnah tu tanggungjawab ibu bapa? Kalau yg kurang berkemampuan tu takpelah...ini dahlah mintak duit hantaran tinggi, die guna pulak untuk majlis 7 hari 7 mlm kat rumah dia...complete dengan mandi bunga, malam berinai, malam khatam quran, malam marhaban, pelamin 7 tingkat, kek kahwin 7 tingkat...eh tak malu ke? Dahla korang yg mintak duit tu tau tak...haiiyaaaa...wang hantaran is actually a present from the bride to the groom...and its up to the groom to keep it for her future or give it to her parents...so bila present tu, terpulanglah pada pihak lelaki nak bagi berape kan? Yg korang tak malu nak mintak tu kenape? Haissshhh...

Ok selalunye bile kite dengar hantaran kahwin seseorang tu agak mahal dari biasa, slalunya apa ayat yang akan terpacul keluar dari mulut2 kalian?
Soalan biasa:
1. wow! Mahal leh tahan...ade degree ke master perempuan tu?
2. Belajar kat mana dulu?
3. Amek course apeee ekkk?
4. Mahalnye blh tahan....engineer ke? Executive ke? Doktor ke? Arkitek ke? Keje ape die?

Haaa..tu laa lebih kurang soalan wajib yg akan tepacul dari mulut hadirin hadirat sekelian sebaik terdengar wang hantaran untuk pihak perempuan...mostly people will ask about education and carrier....soooo nak tanya korang yg mengeluh ni...why korang mngeluh sbb kos kahwin ni? What do u guys have to marry these educated and success woman? Are you more than them or less? If you less than no wonder you guys mengeluh...

Well adatlaa their parents mintak hantaran tinggi...dorang rase dorang dah melabur untuk jadikan anak dorang jadi manusia berguna..belajar bagus, dapat keje bagus...tetibe nak bagi kat orang dah...mestilah dorang nak tgk jugak menantu yang camane dorang nak bagi anak dorang ni kan...so, janganlah mengeluh if your future wife is "somebody" than u...kerana itulah rasulullah mintak kita kalau nak cari pasangan biarlah sekufu...atau setaraf dlm erti kata lainnya..jangan sampai isteri plak kene tanggung suami...but still i dont agree if pihak perempuan "mintak" wang hantaran...

And you guys plak...bila dah bnyk kali sangat dapat kapel dgn success woman and at the end, there's no happy ending, then dari korang menyumpah naseb yang malang, bukan kah lebih baik if you do someting with your life...change your life...improve your life...if that they call pride then move and look for it! Bukannya dok mengeluh dan menyumpah nasib! Well...dunia sekarang xblh samakan dgn zaman dulu...hidup akan bahagia dgn adanya cinta...no! No! No! Thats bullshit! For me laaa...cinta takkan datang bila tak ada duit...sbb tu lah bila dah saling cinta, then nak proceed to the next step, ade campur tangan parents...dorang tanya keje ape..bila mcm tak brape je mulelah dorg risau...dah anak pompuan dorang success woman...tibe becinte dgn org yg tak seberape...dorang bukan apa, nak tgk anak dorg bahagia je...tak ckup dengan cinta je...nanti takkan nak bayar belanja rumah dgn cinta, nak beli susu anak dgn cinta, nak sekolahkan anak dengan cinta..yaaa i agree bile dah cinta you both could find away....any wayy to make it happen...but dunia sekarang...its all about money..you can buy anything with money even kuasa! Statistik menunjukkan kes penceraian terbanyak berpunca dari kurang tggungjawab dari suami...mostly about financial problem...so how? Dunia tidak kejam...tapi manusia yg mengawal dunia dengan menggunakan wang itu yang menjadikan dunia kejam...so there's no such thing with love we can do anything together...with love we will survive...i dont buy those words!

Soo bila dah jadi macam ni...buatlah sesuatu dgn hidup anda...majukan diri anda tuu..barulah parents2 dorang tu nak pandang...dan kalau rase malas nak ubah...otak tu tepu dah nak further study, diri tu dah malas nak cari kerja lagi bagus, jangan lah demand nak kawen dgn success woman yang mempunyai parents yang particular...pegilah cari wanita2 baik yang duduk dikampung mambantu ibu dan ayah...wanita2 baik namun tidak berkemampuan untuk sambung blaja, jadi keje pun biase2 je...haaa..barulah setaraf...ade hikmah kenapa rasulullah suruh cari yang setaraf...faham tak?

Walau bagaimanapun, walau setinggi mana anda punya education, walau se'success' mana pun anda dalam carrier, rasullulah bersabda 'perempuan yang paling berkat adalah perempuan yang paling sedikit mas kahwinnya...jadi yang perempuan fikir2 lah...dan yang lelaki, lu pikir lah sendiri....
Wassalam

My Precious Little Princess growing up....

Ayat cliche..sekejap je rasa...pejam celik pejam celik anak dara mama dah masuk 2 tahun....cepatnya masa berlalu....hehehe....hmmmmhh...kalau boleh taknak bagi dia besar dah...biar dia kecik macam tu jee...comel..hehe...26 February is her birthday. So me and husband plan to organise her birthday celebration. Since we both sangat liat untuk menganjurkan makan2 dan menjemput org datang ke rumah even raya pon tak jemput orang, this time bile nak jemput buat happening cketlah! Hehe..bukanlah happening sangat...but tang makan tu havoc sketlaa...kununnnnnnn....

Event: Majlis kesyukuran sempena Sara's 2 years old birtday
Time: 8.30pm
Venue: Rumah kami
Theme: White Party


Hehehe...besar jugak modalnya...tapi takpelah...janji boleh jamu tetamu makan....makan biar puas hati insyaAllah...penat jugak nak buat segala preparation since this is the first time we both invite family and friends to come to our house. Bayangkan lah...dah 5 tahun duduk kat sini, sebab majlis ni punya pasal, buat pertama kalinya sliding door 3 panel kami tu bertukar langsir...hakhakhak...untungkan dapat bini macam i? Tak mintak suami nak tukar itu ini everytime raya...jimat poket suami....hehehe...

Tapi nak buat theme white party tu tak berape nak white la...tau jelah kuantan ni..mane ade kedai yg provide barang2 untuk party..ke ade tapi i yang tak tau? Hihi...dah tanye ramai...tapi suggestion soh beli tempat yang same...nak cari belon kaler putih pon susah...blasah jelaaa!! Warne warni pon warne warni laahh...dah memang susah nak cari ponnn...nak tengok semue tetamu datang pakai all white pon maybe impossible..sebab kitorang pon takdek all white and tak kuase lah nak pegi beli baju baru just for this small event...

Soooo, menu for this coming event yang paling bestnye ade kambing golek derr!! Rugilaa sapa tak datang...eceh..hehehe...kambing golek diikuti dengan gulai kari kambing, nasi minyak, acar, ayam goreng, mi goreng, pulut kuning, rendang daging, besday kek sara, muffin, kuih bakar, kuih seri muka, puding roti, buah-buahan, air honey lemon dan teh o panas...hihihi kununnn la havoc padahal sbb ade kambing golek tu je....sekali sekala buat makan2 kan...takpee org cakap ajak orang makan ni bagus...sebab tetamu tu datang bawak rezeki dan bawak keluar dosa2 kita...kan bagus tu...

Jadi ni just nak cite tentang sedikit preparation je...next post i'll post about the actual white party complete with the pictures ok! See yah! Byee....

Rebound Relationship

According to Thesaurus, rebound mean bounce back/ ricochet or synonyms to....get back, get better, get in shape, make a comeback, mend, overcome, pick up, pull through, rejuvenate, return to form, revive, start a new and etc. Or i can say in malay we call it menyambung semula ikatan...'kot'..hahah! Itu ikot kamus kepala otak I ok! Hewhewhew...

Okeylaa...mengikut pemahaman I, 'rebound' ni mcm...you have a new replacement of your lover right after you broke up. Like soooo soon! You dont even try to give yourself some space to be sad and cry about your unsuccessful relationship. And instead of staying alone at home mengenang, menangisi, menyedihi or whatever you call it, u bounce to a guy or girl that has admired and hoping for your love for sooo long before. And she or he is being sooo caring and loving, soo good listener, someone who wipe your tears and your sooo-shoulder-to-cry-on....and suddenly u felt so releaf, so calm whenever they're at your side. You feel the comfortness having them by your side all the time. And you feel so lonely and start to feel sad back if you're not with them. Then u pun mulelah rase like he's the one....he treated u very well like u have never been treated like that before...he shows how much he care...he shows how much he appreciate u...senang cakap, he treat u like a princess lahhh!! So u pon mule lah rase soooo in love with him...and bermulela your new chapter of lovestory blaaa blaaa blaaaaa....syg sgtlah kununnnnnn...wekk!

I dont know lah why a lot of people like to share their problem with me, and ask for my opinion...bukan sorg dua, tp mmg ramai laaa...i nie penahlah berniat nak jadi kaunselor since ramai sangat yang suke share problem dengan i since high school...tp result spm tak qualified la derrr....hahahha...so tinggal angan-angan jela der...so i nak citela yg since ramai sangat org share their problem with me, i got a few cases related to rebound relationship ni...so what i can say about this rebound is...i give them 3 month laaa....3 month utk depa melayari bahtera kemerdekaan...eh? Hehe...bahtera cinta pantai merdeka depa tu...then after that, siapla...dindongdangpumpangpong itu xkene ini tak kene...hewhewhew...itulaaa..org ckap jangan rebound taknak dengar...kan daaaahh....hehehe...

Oklaaah...but not all of them laa...bukan i yang tentukan jodoh depa pon kan...hihihi...it just that, through my experince in solving masalah cinta and rumahtangga org nie...rebound ni biasanya akan wangi dalam mase 3 bulan je..lepas tu, yg si rebounder ni akan mule sedar yg die sebenarnye telah menipu dirinya sendiri...hehehe...and the worst part is...if the rebounder is the one yg meninggalkan in his or her previous relationship...memang haaauuss la der! Especially kalau die punye replacement tu ade kekurangan berbanding dgn yg previous punya...i gerenti memang die akan teringat sentiasa pada the one that he or she dumped from the previous relationship. Kenapa tau? Sbb sebenar benarnyaaa ( dan sebenarnyaa...kalau nak nyanyi lagu yuna pon boleeyyyy)....hehehe...sbb sebenarnya, mase 3 bulan yg dia gunakan untuk bercinta dengan replacement die tu adalah sepatutnya masa yg die gunakan untuk merawat hati die yg luka yg sedih hiba atas kegagalan relationship die yg sblum ni...masa yg sepatutnya dia gunakan untuk muhasabah diri what is the cause of the breakage, what is wrong..mane silapnya, sape silapnye..bukannya pergi cr somebody and purak purak cinta padahal nak merawat hati yg kosong lg hiba tuuu...nampak tak kat sini murninya Islam tu...sbb tula lepas bercerai org perempuan kene ade eddah 3 bulan 10 hari...dalam eddah tu lah gunanya utk belajar dari kesilapan, perbaiki kesilapan...kan ke molek dah ajaran Allah tu kan? (chop! Tp kenape pempuan je ade eddah? Lelaki takdek? Kenape ye? Nanti i tanya ustaz and kaji ekk?) heheh...and then if dalam eddah tu rase nak berbaik smule, bolehla nak rujuk kan? Setelah dapat perbaiki kekurangan tu...ini tak..dah lah kau yang meninggalkan, lepas tu kau pegi rebound dgn tah sape2 ntah...lepas tu kau rase mcm dah tak boleh nak pegi dgn minah yg kau rebound tu, mulelah kau terhegeh2 nak cari balik awek yg kau tinggalkan tu...memang taakk lah die nak terime kau balik kan? Setelah hati ini kau sakiti...hehehe....

Jadi sebenarnya rebound ni byk keburukan die...sebenarnya u guys tak cinta pon your replacement tu. Tapi sebenarnya u're using them to heal the pain, to always be with you so that u wont feel lonely, to cheers u up, to fill the emptiness in your heart, to make you stronger dalam menempuh hari2 mendatang tanpa ada peluang untuk teringat pd si dia yang telah kau tinggalkan...but at the end, u just can't lie to yourself that u still love him or her and the cause of the breakage is just a silly thing...soo if u turn back to her and she can accept u back, then ok lah...but what if she reject u forever and ever, and at the same time u have to maintain your current relationship dengan penuh hipokrasi dan penipuan, how is that gonna work? If u're a man tahan lagi, sebab if awek lame tu nak terima balik, u lh kawen lagi satu...but if u're a girl and have married, camane nak buat? Hati tak boleh tipu der...gambar boleh tipu, action boleh di buat2...but deep down in your heart, only you and god knows how hard u are trying to hide the pain..how much you suffocates from the lie that you've created...sooo...bile dah smpi kat cni, biasenya i dont know camane nak cakap to my client (eceh! Client kau jah! Kan dah cakap berangan nak jadi kaunselor) hahahah...takkan la nak soh cerai? Ntah! Pikir la sendiri...

Soo..kesimpulannya, amiklah iktibar dari ajaran murni yang Allah dah sediakan untuk kita tu...boleh kalau nak cari org untuk hilangkan kesepian dan kesedihan tu, tapi carilah kawan2 atau family...bukannye pegi bercinta...bile dah cepat sangat dapat pengganti, haa itulah makan diaaa!!! Jauhi lah rebound...do something, go somewhere to heal your pain..not using someone to revenge that u still laku walaupon setelah ditinggalkan jejaka se'hot' die...or using someone untuk mcm saya cakap kat atas tulah! Sila lah bace balik yee...okeyla...penat dah type panjang nie, tahan berak tahan kentut....soo...chiooww dlu laa...assalamualaikum!

My Pray

Hello everybody....

It's been ages i have not update my blog. That's because i have forgotten that i have a blog. Hahaha! Budushh!...now i feel like i want to do my comeback and keep writing more often coz well...this is how i express my feelings. And lately i have a lots of feeling linger around my life and i found myself could not bare it any longer...that makes me feels like writing back...coz i really dont know where to turn to....

Yes, i do have a friends...a lot i think. But i don't think we could share and tell everything to them. Coz they can be a listener, but they probably hard to understand our feeling. So i guess it's better if we just keep it to ourselves and just turn to Allah if u really looking for someone to be trusted and ask to help you find a way to heal your feelings and solve your problem. It's Him the exact someone you could turn to.

Ok...i wanna share a story. I admit i'm not really a good woman, i'm not really a good daughter nor a good friend, not a good employee nor a good collegue and whatever...but most embarassing, i'm not a good slave to Allah...i'm just a regular human being that have needs and feelings like others. I make sins and repent. Make sins again, and repent again. Why la i repent and have to make sins again? Why can't i just repent and keep be a good muslim? It is so hard to fight the lust and satan. But apart of it, i'm thankful that i still have the guilty feeling everytime i make sins.

But this one quiet night, i had a dream...really scary one. And i still can picture it very clear untill today. I think i dont have to describe it here. Enough for only me that experience the scary, tremble, sweating dream. I was awaken by the dream at 4.15 in the morning and i found myself trembeling and sweating in the middle of sooo quiet night. I'm sooo afraid till i could not close my eyes to continue my sleep. I look at my husband and my child and thankful that they're still breathing. I wanna wake up and pray but my telekong is in another room. I felt so scare to get out of my room and take it. So i just lay in my bed and think why i had such scary dream. I know some people said that we should not trust dream because its just mainan tido. But i dont think all our dream is just mainan tido. If its really is, then why masa zaman nabi dulu, nabi got their wahyu through their dreams and why there's sahabat2 nabi came to them and ask nabi to translate their dreams? So i guess we should not take for granted of our dreams. Especially if you think there's a message indeed. So i was thinking...thinking and thinking untill the alarm clock break the silence and my husband wake up to get his self ready to work.

What i'm trying to say here is that i was really effected by the dreams (so far i guess and i hope this feeling kekal)....it makes me realise how i've done sooo much sins yet my life so blessed by Allah...but why la i still fail to fight my lust and these satans around me?? Why so hard? Whatever it is, i hope this dream remains in my mind forever so that i will always afraid to commit sins. InsyaAllah...i don't know how much longer i would be alive, but i don't want to die as horrible as i died in that dream. Nauzubillahiminzaalik...ya Allah ya tuhanku, please protect me...kuatkan iman ku...aku mahu hidup dan matiku dalam redhamu ya Allah...ampunilah aku, terimalah taubatku ya Allah...i'm begging you ya Allah...please listen to my pray...amin ya rabbal alamin....